Throughout most of the last year, I’ve had an if you build it, they will come mentality. There haven’t been any actual voices in my head, but my general attitude has consisted of believing that because I’m doing something for which I truly have a passion, people will gravitate toward my efforts and Vegetarian Alcoholic Press will become a reputable and self-sufficient organization.
That attitude was complete bullshit.
I was another sucker trying to live the American dream, which is called a dream for a reason. Sometimes risking everything you have in the name of what you love works out, but not often. Especially when what you love is something as obscure and unpopular as poetry.
I quit my day (night) job and dove into working on the press full time. The idea was that without the stress and distraction of menial labor, my focus would become pure and VA would be able to grow, which it did, but nowhere near enough to even cover the expenses of production.
So, a year and several thousand dollars of debt later, it seems I’ve run out of options and must return to exercising my more profitable talents, namely bartending.
The people who last worked with me in a tavern setting knew that I’d reached the end of my rope and had been yanking furiously at its frayed ends. I thought my job was destroying any chance for me to ever have a successful and happy life and that I’d be stuck in it forever, well, till death. But the real problem wasn’t the job itself. It was the monotony. I had spent so long doing the same thing in the same place I was going insane with grief.
Today, I find myself in New York, a city I’ve fallen in love with over the last year. Every time I’ve been here, I’ve thought I would love to live here if I could afford it. The thing is, I can both afford to live here and keep funding the press if I simply swallow my pride and return to the line of work society deems me most suited. I have no money and no other way left to get any. It would be stupid to let go of my ambitions and those of whom I’ve published by refusing to take action. I am capable of tolerating and exceling at a bar job. And I’ll be doing it where I want to be. Time to update that resumé.
Find a Way to Make It Work,